Walking back in time

I had just announced our theme, Physical Body, at this week's yoga classes, when I noticed my body sending me signals. I was getting down with something. My throat was sore, I felt heat in my lungs, nose began to run, and I knew there were no way to stop this now. I'm rarely sick and when I feel I'm getting there, I know how to stop it before I even get the first symptoms. But here I was, I had missed the signals! How could that happen? 

When I was in the acting school over 25-years ago, we were having an improvisation class in a room that was located at the very center of the building. There were no windows, only four doors, one in each side of the room. Our teacher was sitting on a chair, his cowboy boots pressed firmly against the floor. He had just entered the room, still waring a brown leather jacket, coffee in one hand and smelling like cigar that he had stubbed out before entering the school, his black Harley Davidson parked somewhere near the entrance.

He told us, his 16 students, to lay down on the floor facing to the ceiling. We did as he told. He then shut the lights off. The windowless room got pitch-black. He guided us to walk back our day from this very moment until the morning, and continue all the way as far as we could remember. How did we each ended up here today? What decisions we had to make to be right here, right now? I was first wondering how the heck is this going to help me to become a better actor? The exercise seemed odd, but honestly that was the one which stuck with me to this day. I still use it almost every day.

How did I get here? What needed to happen so that I am here, NOW? This same question pumped into my mind when I was thinking of how I had missed that feeling of getting sick, I never miss it. So, in my mind I began walking back. And there it was. I literally had felt my blood boiling during one phone conversation earlier that day. I was talking with an official, about the rules and norms, and I remember thinking of how much more Kafka could this conversation get. I was not able to take it in and live it through with flow. I was not present. I was furious. And that was the moment when my immune system failed. 

My physical body got sick because I was not alert to my feelings. I let my emotions shadow my truth. But nevertheless, getting sick gave me an opportunity to rest, to read a book, to watch Netflix, to sleep. All those things that I have been too busy for letting myself do. And during all this, when my head was still in a bubble, and my ears were not hearing things clearly, I came to realize my true calling. It took me to become sick to notice what it is I needed to do. I couldn't be more grateful.

All things that happens are for good, in the end. There are no mistakes. There is only a path taking us back to our true self. To our home. Sometimes the route goes through sickness and hell. But guess what, that is LIFE.

What is your story, how did you get here from this morning? What needed to happen in your life, so that you are here, NOW?